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Utterly Caffeinated
12 September 2012 @ 05:10 pm
This will not win him.

Not with the words, not with the looks.

But the disturbance of waves breaking over the shore line, the stubborn desperate struggle of fish deserted on dry land, this wild sadness framing the occasional glint of steel in his tongue, his eyes, the  coming and going of his silent sighs, I wish I could pour it into words or shape it in the forms of tall buildings high enough to support his casted sky, cause right now he's lost, he and I and whoever else who cares, is equally surviving, and caring is believing is throwing yourself out there on the trenches, is pills, poison, and guns, and breathing. Breathing so much of air, water, affections, dissatisfactions, so full you're overflowing the edges of the glass spreading pooling yourself on the table, awake, open, inherently hyper aware, of his making the moves while not making the moves, we're travelling the world, swallowing continents, in the micro second it took for a hummingbird to flutter its wings, and yet we're no Icarus, therefore we're free, for free fall, for freely tumbling into relationships as if it was a fresh-faced rosy-cheeked debutante in royal court, and courting it I will with more caffeine and foreign books over hazy European cinemas, with his eyes as spectacular as a punch in the gut during schoolyard scraps, and this, this implosion unarticulated rawness within me, jagged with awkward tenderness, as confronted with the brittle bones of his heaving ribs, will surely not win him but it wins me.

He wins me.
Utterly Caffeinated
23 April 2012 @ 10:51 pm
The first stage started with being frustrated and stressed out beyond believe. Unable to distinguish between physical tiredness and tbe emotional one. Wrung out, left to dry, dipped in the cold bucket again by morning.

Then you reached the stage when you didn't even have the strength to cry. Even if you felt like it, you simply can't. Cause even the simple act of crying took too much effort.

Then when you've moved pass that, you reached the zen stage. When you started to get why those brokers took up substances alongside their coffee. Not even as chemical recreational activity, but to boost up your consciousness, jacking it up pass that sleepiness threshold your body posses. Just to make a living. Just to hotwire your brain to wrestle through polite bargaining words, numbers too threatening to comprehend, jurisdiction scuffles tailed by condescending pats on the back.

And even then you started thinking that you had it so much better. Better than your seniors. Better than your parents with their past hardships and hurdles. Better than your grandparents, cause it was not trying to make a living so much as trying to stay alive back then with their war and revolutions.

Tough problems don't last, tough people do.
Utterly Caffeinated
Ttile: Silver Lining
Author: livrin
Pairing: Tora/Saga
Fandom/bands: J-rock (Alice Nine)
A/N: Written to the prompt: this monochrome world.
A/N: Uh. Rin, this is not that 'this will not win him', obviously.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They're nothing to do with me and this probably never happened.

For Tora, the other guy was the resigned disposition of old willow tree and the foolhardy charm of wannabe starlet just before they hit rock bottom at a local rehab.Collapse )

Current Music: Rachael Yamagata - Sidedish Friend | Powered by Last.fm
Utterly Caffeinated
29 September 2011 @ 06:40 pm
Posting a Sherlock/John ficlet/whatever thingie here for archiving purpose.

BBC Sherlock - Sherlock/John, takes place a week after the ending of The Great GameCollapse )
Utterly Caffeinated
16 August 2011 @ 09:34 pm
Because this adorably hilarious fill-in-the-blank letter meme that's bombarding my dashboard today tickled my silly bone. Not a fic, just a rambling.

Pairing: Tora/Saga
Band: Alice Nine
Note: Based on various trivia bits from Alice Nine Channel episodes and interviews. Also, obviously, based on this meme:

Dear ______,

I ____ you. You have a nice ______. You make me _______. You should _______. Someday I will ______. You + me = ________.

If I saw you now I’d __________. I want to ________ you. I would build a _______ just for you. If I could sing you any song it would be _________.

We could __________ under the stars.


(P.S. ______________.)

Internet meme is not an appropriate tool for propositioning someone, Tora Collapse )
Current Music: New Order - 1963 | Powered by Last.fm
Utterly Caffeinated
21 July 2011 @ 12:48 pm
100 Ozwald Boateng models' monumental walk through streets of London  Wish there's a clearer or official clip of this scene, cause this is just epic (obnoxious, yes, but still epic). I feel like crawling into Boateng's head and picking apart his brain, cause this man and his crazy ideas plus classy design, just, augh. I think I spied two street-scouted models from his Spring/Summer London Fashion Week 2010's collection draped all over each other during that climbing madness on Shaftesbury fountain. (yes, sometimes I ship perfect strangers for no reason, what, you don't do that? Oh, well, um.) And that sort of football chanting they did during the march is just, perfect. Somehow, somewhere, a filmmaker should incorporate that kind of scene into their movies.

A Man's Story preview - Ozwald Boateng documentary film
  It has Paul Bettany looking all sleek in the first opening scene. Paul Bettany and Boateng, two of my biases, proper flawless English gentlemen (seriously, look at these guys), in one project, what's not to like about it. (I may or may not ship them based on this project, cough) Can't wait for the full release this fall. Women fashion is fun and interesting, but there's always a certain charm to men fashion that draws me to it. I guess the fact that I'll never be able to successfully pulled off the look as good as some men will ever do is one of the things that interest me to it. *grins* WAYLT, self. OTZ
Tags: ,
Current Music: DIR EN GREY - 鼓動 | Powered by Last.fm
Utterly Caffeinated
Ttile: Enter Another Morning
Author: livrin 
Pairing: Shou/Uruha
Fandom/bands: J-rock (Alice Nine, the GazettE)
For: takarai_karin  (Prompts: Shou/Uruha -- 'Hey... are you still awake?')
Summary: Two guys, one reality, one moment.
Warning: AU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They're nothing to do with me and this probably never happened.
A/N: Probably best to read it while listening to Quiet by This Will Destroy You.

It was Uruha's job to bet on the future with his optimism, these days Shou was more like recreational gambler, playing it safe.Collapse )
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: John Coltrane - Blue Train
Utterly Caffeinated
Ttile: Next Move's Yours
Author: livrin
Pairing: Takuya Kimura/Masahiro Nakai
Fandom: SMAP
Prompt: Kimura/Nakai -- "Please tell me people don't really fall for that."  "Well... I know you don't."
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They're nothing to do with me and this probably never happened.
A/N: Just something written in respond to a prompt gametakarai_karin and I play. Oh, and cause I'm uncomfortable with infidelity, this happened prior to Kimura's marriage, when they were just two single guys who often being dumb and adorkable together.

And from then on, it was merely a fluid execution of efficient body movement on Takuya's partCollapse )
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Utterly Caffeinated
Ugh, when will this be officially released? I need a clean version of this to hear Yoochun's bass counterpointed Jaejoong's and Junsu's tenors perfectly XP Finally they're singing in this kind of vocal arrangement again like what DBSK used to do. The beginning's slightly unclear being this is a fancam and the notes are mostly low notes, but the part starting from 02.51 to 03.37 is just, guh, the harmonization and the high notes. *flails* Goosebumps all over. These amazing dorks.

I'm so slow I just found out that this song was written by Jaejoong dedicated to Park Yong Ha, an actor who was a close friend of them, who committed suicide few months ago (while JYJ was recording with Kanye in US, IIRC?). I guess that's part of the reason why it feels so... intense whenever we watch them perform this song, not to mention the lyrics in itself is pretty heartbreaking on its own.

On a lighter note, ajfkjgh, what is this preshus thing? JYJ with kids being all relax and mad cute. The kids were so squeezable, especially the little girl and how she kept looking and laughing shyly at the guys, and when she called Junsu 'cute'. JJ looked so pretty in that hair color. JaeChun, I see you guys trolling Junsu since 2004, keep at it, boys. ♔